Mary in her bed at home,
Feeling very much alone,
No one to love and make a fuss,
She only had her little puss.

A knock that night came on the door,
She slowly walked across the floor,
Who’s out there she said shaking like a leaf,
Her knees were knocking and she had chattering teeth.

It’s only your dear neighbour Tim,
Mary thought aint opening the door to him,
It’s much too late for us to chat,
I’m going to bed and that is that.

He knocked again and said oh please,
I want to borrow a bit of cheese,
Mary was stunned by what was said,
Wondered if he was ever fed.
It’s midnight Tim please go away,
Come back in the middle of the day,
But I need cheese to help me sleep,
It’s no good me trying to count sheep.

Mary thought she’d let him in,
Then went into the kitchen,
He followed her to get the cheese,
Then tripped and fell upon his knees.

Come on Tim lay on my bed I’ll help you to recover,
She rubbed his legs and other things and then became his lover,
So when it’s late and you hear your bell,
Just tell the guy to go to hell.