Breakfast time is funny the salt pots in the jam,
Joan said that it was sticky and said oh damn,
A funny situation I really had to laugh,
Joan said that they could wash the salt it could go in the bath.

I started then to giggle my mirth it wouldn’t stop,
I couldn’t eat my breakfast cause my belly did go flop,
My mate she is so funny in lots and lots of ways,
I’m glad she doesn’t lose her weight she’d walk out of her stays.

We came up from breakfast and Joan went to the loo,
She said the marmalade made her have a poo,
It’s now been released her tummy’s put right,
So she can enjoy her dinner tonight.

Watching entertainment Joan’s drink went down her dress,
Look what you have done to me I look an awful mess,
Stop your moaning woman, relax now while you may,
I don’t want you to worry, just survive another day.

She’s eaten up her soup then opened up the butters,
Then said where’s that come from my friend’s a real big nutter,
She has a coffee nice and neat,
Then pops in water to give it a treat.

I said that the butter was melting,
It’s been in my hand said my friend,
But I don’t mind sharing it with you,
I don’t mind you having a lend.

It’s fun sitting here at the table,
And watching Joan pulling a face,
She gets all excited in things all around her,
I must hold her down in her place.